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How Can I Control Morbid Jealousy

Question:

i have suffered this problem for around 30years it is now likely to cost me my marriage of35years please help

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Answer:

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p>Jealousy is a complicated human emotion. In many ways, it is based on love, hate, paranoia, insecurity and self hate and low self esteem. It is important to point out that it is also a normal human emotion experienced by most people at least at one time during their lives. Jealousy becomes a problem when it refuses to diminish in intensity.

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p>It might be difficult to believe that jealousy can be based on love. However, the jealous individual wants to completely possess their lover. They believe that the loved one is so loveable that others may capture him/her away resulting in tragic loss. In a way, it’s a great compliment to be with someone who is jealous because of the value they place on their partner.

<

p>Not so fast, though, because jealousy is also based on hatred. The loved one is viewed as having power, choice and the ability to abandon and leave their partner. This is why the loved one must be carefully guarded or they will stray.

<

p>But, I hear you ask, why would the jealous person fear that their partner will stray? The answer is that, from the point of view of the jealous individual, any competitor is really more masculine/feminine, handsome/beautiful, sexy and appealing than they are. In other words, the jealous person believes that any other choice of lover is better than they are. Of course, there is a lot of self hatred, insecurity and low self esteem in the way the jealous person thinks.

<

p>Sometimes there is a paranoid and obsessional component to jealousy. For people who suffer paranoia, there is constant suspicion that others mean them no good. This type of paranoid jealousy is marked by such things as constantly harassing the loved one with questions and accusations about how they spent the day, where they went and who they spoke with. The paranoid lover will check the cell phone messages of their lover as well as their E. Mail messages and postal envelopes and letters. This person is obsessed with their partner and is tortured with fear that nothing good is happening. In the worst cases, they attempt to control the life of their partner form preventing him/her from going any where or doing anything. For example, a husband who experiences paranoid jealousy may prohibit his wife from getting a job and going to work. In effect, he stifles his wife in every way.

<

p>I suggest that you enter psychotherapy and begin to work on why you are jealous and how it is interfering with your thirty year marriage. If your paranoid beliefs are truly delusional, some medication might help relieve some of this thinking. In addition to individual psychotherapy, with or without medication, I would suggest marriage therapy so that the two of you can begin to resolve your differences, suspicions and conflicts. Also, understand that you and your wife each deserve the opportunity to see other friends and engage in activities apart from one another. A successful marriage is based on mutual trust.

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Comments
  • Karen Rizzi

    My son 33 has a morbid jealous girlfriend with every aspect of this desease. He constntly tries to confirm he is not being unfaithful. He clings to be with her. She has damaged his life .Examples, lost all close friends due to her dilusional suspicions of infidelity, lost his business, he is a tattoo artist and she destroys any connection with him and female customers. She harrasses them in person, on phone, on line, etc. she drives to his place of business and confronts them . She is extremely sick and I cannot help him see the light. He thinks he can convince her he is not cheating and yet every day , every minute I hear him on the phone trying to convince her . she stalks him , she invades his online accounts and sends messages to any female (prospective clients) and even if he is playing an online game she cuts in.He is going to jail because of his trying to convince her of his being faithful. He will break the law to convince her. She is definitely not curable but how can I save my son the victim? Will any of you, the victims please help me. It is destroying my life trying to help him walk away. He has even been told by her exhusband that he the ex had 9 horrible years with her and my son beats himself to death every day every hour to try to change her thoughts. Please someone help. Contact me on how to help him. There is no money for doctors. He could have a booming business with his tattoos if she stopped killing it. He is a beautiful man but I dont see my son anymore behind those eyes only desperation. Help me help him please.

  • Karen Rizzi

    to continue, My son John, 33, lies in bed waiting for a call or calls his delusional morbid jealous girlfriend only to hear him screaming I didn't do it, why do you say I did, Im not cheating on you. He cries. In the past she has runout to cars to see who gave him rides home, (he has no license due to her accusations and his poor judgements) she makes him undress so she can smell his body for other women, and if he showers she accuses him of washing it off. He can't win. There are no othher women, he lives here with me,his mother, as she did before i threw her out 7 months ago. Ihave a business in my home and she would call back numbers on my phone , my customers and harrass them. She is so sick, you could talk to her for hours and no change of course She had done everything described for this sickness and my son wont walk away. How do I help him , the victim, could someone who actually walked away, got away from this sickness please help me. Talk to him. Please. Im begging for his life. He is going to jail for a year because of her causing him to drink, and drive drunk to get to her. My fear is he will come out in a year and there will be no change. Can someone please help him get back to seeing life is good and loving not this hell. Hurry pls and help him, and get my son's brain back to sunshine not hell.

  • John Teel

    My wife does all of this! She accused me for 18 months of someone she worked with. And, when she found out it was untrue, within a week I was accused of a 17 year old bi-sexual girl. I can't win. Every day we argue, I have a infant daughter and a stepson (from a marriage that was ruined from this also, I believe) I refuse to leave for I have done nothing wrong. She loves me deeply one day the next feels so hurt and tortured that she wants me to leave. I haven't EVER done anything even close to unfaithful, nor would I. I would love for this to be acknowledged. I've taken polygraph tests (100% truthful) and she manipulates every thing even that to either 1) I was on drugs 2) they are very inaccurate 3) that I have an alias name that I use for cheating 4) I'm smart enough to pass one when lying... She challenges me on everything, the last few months she accuses me of leaving the bed (in which she, I, my stepson and my infant daughter sleep in) in the middle of the night and leave the house... Yet she's never "caught" me. I'm accused of using neighbors, co workers, family members (used to be friends but I really don't have any... anymore) The physical checks are constant. The drawing of conclusions from nothing are constat.

  • Anonymous-1

    There is really no hope for a relationship with one suffering from morbid jealousy, except for Jesus. He came to heal the sick...but I think it is not the dullisional one to be cured, but the victim.. Jesus came 'to set the captives free' and your son is being held captive by his wife, just as I was. A person has to WANT to be healed...as Jesus said to one person,"Do you want to be healed?" I will pray for you and family..ask Jesus to come into your hearts and be set free.

  • Allan N. Schwartz, PhD

    While I accept and respect the rights of each person to hold to their faith there is something else that must be stated and clarified: This is a mental health website that focuses its attention on scientific psychological and psychiatric evidence. We aim to provide information and education about mental health and mental illness and their treatment. As such, matters of faith and religion are not the focus of what we do. I state this with full respect for all people and their beliefs. At the very same our goals have to do with factual and scientific information.Dr. Schwartz

  • Miss unknown

    i think people suffering from morbid jealous cannot help themselves, and it is like a cycle,they know that what they are doing is wrong and also feel threatned that their partners might find some one better and more understanding. i think it all goes back to childhood. people who are morbidly jealous must have come from broken families,or from families where they did not recieve much attention,or lost some one in the past,or must have been betrayed badly in the past. or i dont think any one would just get so insecure.

    it also depends on the victim,may be the victim does things that makes the other person insecure.but all in all,relationships are about love,care and trust. u should respect the other persons space.the morbidly jelous individual must be going through a lot too,might be suffering a lot of emotions and basically must be an unhappy person,because most of their time their mind is preoccupied with their partner,his/her whereabouts,or if he/she is cheating. god bless all of them,and save both the victim and the individual

  • Anonymous-2

    Hi I am a victim of morbid jealousy but I think I have managed to break away even though it's breaking my heart to do so,my partner of the last 7 years has got progressively worse in the way she controls me and my actions,she has driven a wedge between my family,I used to work with my brother but no longer do,my children hardly see me and friends are no more,ik recognise so many of the symptons on this site ie reading phone messages,accusing me of fancying clients and always accusing me of wanting to go back to my ex wife,one minute she is saying the most wonderful things and next flying into an absolute rage,I have told her a thousand times I love and adore her but to no avail,she obviously needs help but would never see that she had a problem always blaming everything on everybody else,I am now on medication for depression having had the courage to walk away 3 weeks ago,but I'm scared I would still go back,

  • ann

    I am 2 weeks separated from my ex finace who suffers morbid jealousy. I am going through the grief of lost love and other hardships in life, financial and waking up to see the things that I've neglected in having spent so much time trying to 'fix' my partner and our relationship.

    Intellectually I know that I am lucky to be out and have my freedom back and be away from constant mental abuse and even threats of violence. Perhaps too, I am lucky because my ex was the one who wanted me to go, he couldn't stand the mental pain he suffered (he said daily) in his thoughts of me.

    My ex admits to having jealosy issuess, but, all in all blamed me for his pain and our relationship's end, defining me as psychotic etc...He had a history of hospitalization in his early twenties, he is fiffty now, and is on disability and told me that his primary diagnosis was scizoid affective disorder. He went off meds (such as abilify) when we meant- saying that he felt cured and could stay so by following the AA program- all his friends, activities etc...are AA.

    I only learned of my ex's disability status, mental health history etc... months after meeting him and having fallen deeply in love. He is attractive and highly intelligent, well spoken and well liked by others. I guess the question that comes to my head is...'is it just morbid jealousy that affects him now? Why does he seem to be normal in all other respects? Ofcourse he doesn't hold down a regular job and has issues with watching TV etc...so perhaps this isn't entirely so, but, what I mean is does another disorder generally fuel delusional jealousy? He has a threapist and needs to report to a psychiatrist bianually- and they have let him go off his meds...

    thanks for listening-

    amc

  • Allan N. Schwartz, PhD

    Hi Ann,

    It is really important for your mental and physical health for you to understand the fact that your ex boyfriend has a serious mental illness. His "morbid jealousy" is really one symptom of his pervasive and over-riding Schizoaffective Disorder. What that really means is that her suffers from Schizophrenia and Bipolar Disorder, combined. In other words, he has a serious psychotic illness. It is really good that he understood the need to break the relationship. He did that to protect you and his mental health.

    Of course you are mourning the relationship because its a real loss. At the same time please understand that it is best for all because he knows how serious his illness is and, it seems, until now you have not known.

    Dr. Schwartz

  • ann

    Hi. I posted my question some weeks ago and and grateful for Dr Schwart's quick and no nonsense reply. As one who has been beaten down and dehumanized it was so nice to be answered honestly and compasionately. I don't know who all might be checking in who has already asked a question or just peeked at the subject. If their are those who are moving on or considering it...just wondering how you are doing. It's tough and I'm so grateful for the effect of time, I'm feeling a bit better. Any loss of love is sad and hard. Remembering abuse is hard. Looking at yourself and why you stayed is hard. I tell you all though, I found it to be the only sane answer. Thanks for listening. ann

  • Michael

    I have endured 2 yrs. of being married to someone with this. It is an insidious and seemingly incureable disease if the person will not recognize what is happening.

    I am trying to rebuild my life after loosing the woman I love, most of my possessions and my job. Her symptoms were everything and more,as described in various articles and from a therapist.

    In the end we worked at the same place, were together 24/7, except to go to the bathroom at work and still she accused me of infidelity! Not only did she check my phone but actually sent text messages from my phone while i was asleep to a number which she thought was a co-worker I was involved with. I remember reading that the behavior would only escalate and it did. There is no way to disprove any accusation to a dilusional mind. it is like Satan who mixes truth with lies. For my own sanity I had no choise but to leave and would encourage anyone trying to cope with such a person to do the same..IF their partner will not seek help together AND separately.

    Ben

  • An aspie

    I am thirty four years of age and recently found out I have aspergers syndrome.

    Throughout all of the relationships during teen/adult years I have suffered with feelings of not what I would call insecurity but certainly feelings that my 'then' partner would stray or was doing things that he indeed was not.

    I am in a relationship at the moment, can't seem to get over the past relationships he has had or during social events cant seem to interpret his behaviour as anything else other than to be suspicious about. I know this is wrong and I should not be feeling this way but .....when it comes, this feeling..at times its a rage. Being Aspergers, anger frightens me - especially my own. I do not like confrontation but know that after an outburst, my partner would like nothing better than to shout at me for how I have made him feel.

    I am awaiting medical help for this and hopefully will be able to sort this out - Its wrecking my life and I dont feel in control when it starts.

  • ann

    Ben,

    I just wanted to respond to your post by wishing you well. I am amazed by how many have posted that it is a female partner who suffers from this illness.

    I have lost alot too. It's still hard, but, getting better. I spent the holiday at my sister's place this year- last year I was with him. In the progression of his jealousy and hatred of me he let it be known that I could not spend the night at my family's house. he even thought I would have an affair with my sister's husband!

    Free will is my gain and I regret having given it up to him when I did, reasoning that I was willing to do anything to prove my faithfulness.

    I hope you are not in a position where you fear or experience retaliation from your ex. That was a common theme in our tormented realtionship.

    -Ann

  • marni

    I just ended a 3 year relationship with a man whom I believe suffered from this problem. He is also diagnosed bi-polar. I feel a lot of guilt because in the beginning of our relationship I did withhold certain truths about my past, and I fear that I somehow created the monster in him. Over time and several "truth telling sessions" as he called them, I revealed every single fact of my entire romantic history, in gross detail, in my attempt to make things right. But the damage was done and he never believed me, always found details that weren't revealed or didn't add up. After exhaustive efforts to satisfy his incessant and angry accusations of lying I began offering to take lie detector tests and truth serums, which he claimed were useless because he believed I could deceive even these tests. He was so convinved that I was upholding a vast network of lies he had me doubting myself. I go back and forth between thinking that it is natural to withhold things about which you feel shame, and feeling like it is all my fault. I am not a perfect person, I have made mistakes, but is it possible to actually cause this delusional jealousy in another person? He always blamed me for everything, told me that if I hadn't ever lied to him the problem wouldn't exist. Also, is there any way at all to help him see what's happening?

    Thank you

  • Marni

    Another post here. I have not found any other forum regarding this issue.

    Per earlier post, I ended a relationship with a man who seems to suffer from this morbid / delusional jealousy issue, and is also diagnosed bi-polar. After 10 days with no contact with him, I have now received a message from him out of the blue saying that I am "sooooo busted," implying that he has learned something new that somehow proves his belief that I was unfaithful to him. I think? I am not dating now, have been basically only at home and work hiding since the breakup.

    I need to know how to handle this. Do I engage and try to tell him what I see? Do I ignore him? Can I reason with him? Should I be worried? He is such an incredibly smart man, and is 50 years old with responsibilities and accomplishments. It is difficult for me to reconcile this crazy behavior with what I know about him. I keep thinking that if I could just reason with him he will finally break through. But after so much reasoning that only led to more insanity and our eventual breakup, I know it gets me nowhere, and seems to make him even angrier.

    Thanks

  • Allan N. Schwartz, PhD

    Hi Marni,

    I will quickly answer your question here but I am writing an article about this, using your E.Mail here, as the basis.

    However, to answer here, in my opinion, there is no point attempting to salvabe this relationship. Delusional thinking is just about impossible to put a stop to. The more you attempt to clarify, the more he will not believe you.

    All adults enter relationships with a romantic and sexual history. Its not just you, its every body. My opinion, you have ended it and leave it alone.

    Dr. Schwartz

  • Tracy G

    Dear Dr. Schwartz, I have found yours and others comments on this topic leaving me with a better understanding of what I have been a victim of but also, the comments make me feel extremely sad that my marriage may be coming to an end. I have been married to my soul mate for 20 years! We have had our hard times, but overall have had a wonderful marriage. My husband is an alcoholic. He off and on over the years has had trouble keeping a job but has been able to stay in his current job for over 3 years now. His drinking has not cause any absence from work or direct problems with our marriage but I feel most likely does have something to do with his overall problems. I adore this man and love him very much despite this. He is a good, well-educated man who can be extremely generous and loving one day but then hard and hateful another. A few years ago, he thought he was having a heart attach and this lead to hospitalilzation and heart cath which came out to be perfectly normal. No evidence of heart attach was found. It was then determined that he was most likely having anxiety attacks and began takng medication for this. I am a nurse so tried to help him recognized stressors which was often being in front of a group of people at business meetings. One example was at a junior high football game when an old friend that he had not seen in years came and sat by him. I turned and he was breaking out in a sweat and had to excuse himself. Anyway, I believe he has learned to control this through self-awareness and calming techniques. But, over the past 4-5 years he has accused me of having affairs and being unfaithful to him. This is 100% NOT true. It's so hard for me to even conceive that he would think this as I adore him and would never even consider such a thing. I am in medical device sales and have to travel out of town a couple times a year for business meetings. Over the past several years this has increasing become problematic in that when I return, he has conjured up some ellaborate story that I have cheated on him. The last meeting, I even aborted going to the meeting because things started escalating prior to me leaving and he became so distraught he said he would leave me if I went. So I did not go. Now, the next meeting occured. Again, he started showing signs of disturbance prior to me leaving saying "people can look but they cannot touch". No amount of reassurance will make him not have these thoughts. He tried to call me one evening and I did not answer. I was at a team-building event playing volleyball with co-workers and did not even have my phone. anyway, to make a long story short, the following day during my meeting, I received a text from him saying that he was moving out and would not there when I returned home. I am home now 4 days and he is gone and has not answered my calls. This must truely be a mental disorder as I know this is a good man and that we have a great relationship yet he does not trust the one person who loves him the most. My heart is broken. I now, need to get advice on how to handle this situation when he does make contact with me. I love him yet this behavior cannot continue. Could you please advise as to what my approach should be with him. I am a nurse but when your own emotions are involved it is often difficult to do the right thing.

    Thanks for listening.

    Tracy G

  • Anonymous-3

    I too have been in a 3 1/2 year relationship with a man who, I just now realized, has morbid jealousy. My friends and family for years tried to convince me to get out of this relationship, that it is dangerous. I couldn't break away. I loved him more than any other man in my life. He was handsome, smart, fun. But he also gave me more pain than any person in my life. I tried to break it off many times and just went back. He would be so loving and I felt so weak. I missed him so badly and for some reason, blamed myself. Or I would think "if I could just say it this way then he would believe me finally". "If I could just show him this receipt this would prove I was doing nothing wrong". The more proof I gave him the more he wanted me to prove. It only got worse.

    For those who have loved ones who can't seem to leave this type relationship, my advice to you is to have them read as much as they can about this disease. Just reading this gives me strength and calm. It allows me to see that this is not my fault so I can stop trying to prove that I am not cheating. I also see that I am not alone in this constant torture I have been experiencing. It calms me to know that he can get help. I have read that with psychotherapy and medicine the person's delusions can almost go away. This is hopeful. I guess I am still trying to "fix" the situation. I can't seem to give up just yet. There is still one more thing to try.

  • Anonymous-4

    I wouldn't count on therapy and drugs helping this person. It is unlikely. I would trust what others tell you, you are in a dangerious situation. The likeliess outcome is you being hurt even worse. *sorry* But, believe me, I know.

  • SFT

    I suffer from this condition and have done ever since I started having long-term relationships (although I believe I could have been born with it) I've only had two long term relationships, the current one 15 years, married and still going strong (so much so that we are starting a family). My previous relationship lasted 3 years but didn't end because of my condition.

    Things were bad, off and on, in my first relationship. I would accuse her of being unfaithful based on evidence that, in my head, was conclusive but in reality was ridiculous. This went on throughout that relationship and also for the first 3 or 4 years of my present relationship.

    To cut to the chase, recognising that you have a problem is (obviously) the first step. When I was calm I could reflect on everything that had happened in my relationships and realise, in my moments of clarity (which always followed a resolved episode), that I had a mental defect. I couldn't control it, I couldn't stop it but I could look at it from a third-person perspective. I could see it as a 'thing' seperate from my everyday, sane self.

    I think it's worth mentioning that I was helped a lot by the enlightenment teachings (popularised recently by Eckhart Tolle) By seeing this unwanted brain function (my illness) as something seperate from myself I could consciously choose to fight it. It wouldn't make it go away but it would stop me from going off on a head-trip and throwing hurtful accusations.

    It was hell when I didn't approach it with this perspective - absolute hell. The most pain I've ever felt emotionally. The way I used to deal with it was to expel it onto my partner. We would both end up hurt and eventually I'd end up apologising and apologising, we'd both be crying etc. It was truly awful.

    It still crops up now, I think it always will and I don't think it will ever go away. It feels like a chemical imbalance in my brain, some kind of skewed function. As long as I can live with the fact that I'm unable to make a sound judgement on whether or not my spouse is cheating on me, then I'm okay (unless I'm in a moment of clarity in which case I always deduce she isn't being unfaithful)

    That's a tough one to swallow, especially if you suffer from paranoid jealousy! But from experience, I know I cannot trust my brain to make that judgment when I'm having an episode. No more than I can trust a PC to run properly when it has a damaging virus. It just can't do it in that situation, plain a simple.

    What I have to do is view it as an illness, see the jealousy as a problem with my brain and when it starts running away with itself and going on a little jealousy trip, I just have to stand fast and see it as a glitch. And rather than not trusting my spouse, I choose to not trust those particular thought processes. And then, when it's calmed down a bit and I've become less attached to it, I start listing all the reasons why my wife is with me why she married me how she misses me when I'm not around how she wants to start a family with me, and so on.

    And, for me, it works. I don't go on a head trip, I don't throw hurtful and damaging accusations and the pain stops with me, and rightly so.

    The main thing that works for me is to see this jealousy as a seperate entity from myself, a demon if you will. To see it as something to grow a deep hatred for, something to fight against, something to distrust. I see it as an enemy that whispers evil lies in my ear (I don't hear voices by the way, hehe)

    Eventually I learnt to put the focus on distrusting the paranoid thought, instead of focusing on the distrusting thought itself. It feels like a bit of a paradox in a way, but it's possible if you can go at it from this angle of seperateness.

    The part of my brain that cannot be objective about infidelity (the ill part) is brought under scrutiny by the part of my brain that can be objective about itself and its thought processes. Again, it feels a bit paradoxical but it's really just another way of looking at things in the third person perspective.

    Anyway, that's how I've coped with it over the years. It's a battle, it's painful and frustrating but as long as it remains MY suffering and not my partners, that's the best I can do for now.

    Anyway, I thought I would share my experiences and techniques in dealing with this illness and I really do hope that this helps people suffering with his hurtful, frustrating and potentially devastating mental condition, and of course anyone on the recieving end who might be able to pass this information on to sufferers.

    ~ SFT

  • Anonymous-5

    Hello everybody

    A friend told me of this condition after I described some of the scenarios I have been living with for 20 years. I recognise all of the conditions that are described but have a real concern. After a near separation my partner has said he can just "stop" thinking these thoughts by himself through sheer will power. I don't believe this is possible although he has made huge progress from what I can see. However I fear that this could send his fears and feelings underground somehow. I am beginning to see them seeping out by some of his comments returning. Worryingly I find myself looking for his old jealous comments when he doesn't make any. He claims that I am the one keeping this thing going. I feel a bit haunted and unsettled by it all as if I am always about to be ambushed. How do I know if he's faking being better?

    Do you think it is possible to self cure or does this case sound very dangerous?

    Thankyou kindly

    Worried

  • alana

    my husband and i have been together for just over a year. while everything was beautiful at the beginning after a few months the fights started, and when they came they woudl last a whole 24 hours of yelling. The reason for these fights was always that i was "flirting" with other men. THis is something that I am convinced i have not done - i have thought long and hard and deep about it and i know that i love only him. I try to explain to him that regardless of whatever he percieves, i am not attracted to any other male, and only want to be with him.

    it will work, he will calm down, then the next time we are out, it will happen again. The last time it happened was on the weekend, we had a housewarming, and he flared up because he thought i was flirting with a friend of his. I wasn't and have tried to convince him of this, but this time, he says that he wants to end our relationship because i am "too much of a whore" (though he wants me to stay living with him?) and this has been going on for a few days now. so i have accepted that its over. but i cannot accept the reasons why... i am not and have not ever been interested in any other male since i met my husband. it really hurts because i care about him a lot. is this morbid jealously or something else entirely? i know why he starts to think about it - because before i met him, i had a lot of partners. but that doesn't mean that i want to sleep with every man i meet.

    i feel like he must be pyschotic, because when he argues he talks about the fact that actions speak louder than words but then cannot tell me any of my actions that show i don't love him - when i bring up the fact that i left my family to be with him, he discounts that entirely, saying that i am a whore with no morals, so that counts for nothing.

    i know i probably should just leave, or have left earlier but for somereason, it is so difficult.

  • gabriel

    My wife and I had been trusting to each other for the last 21 years. Then something happened I forgot to take a towel in the bathroom before stripping down and hurriedly tried to run naked to our clothes room to get a towel. Before I got to enter the room I sensed that somebody was there and I hurried back to the bathroom. Our house maid then came out of the room, the whole sequence of events was seen by my wife. A few days later our housemaid and my wife had some exchange of words and she told me that she, the maid was emboldened because we had a relationship. We have seen 2 marriage counselors, a priest and psychologist which dismissed the case of as a bad coincidence. But for the last 4 years my wife had been tormenting me waking up at night and accusing me of being unfaithful. She has also began to find faults in many aspects of my role as a husband and breadwinner. She is suspicious of all my actions, find hard to trust me and unsure if she still loves me. She thinks I am flirty and spends time staring at other women when we go to public places. The attacks are chronic/recurring and everytime she would blame me for not admitting infidelity. The word that I could aptly used to describe her feelings toward me is poisoned. I love my wife and want to save this marriage but I am having doubts if there will be anything left to save if this constant psychological and emotional battering continues. I told her that I am willing to take a lie detector test but she discounts this as being easily rigged. My question is how can I save her and this marriage or is it beyond saving already.

  • Joey Lee.

    I'm 20 years old and Ive been with a girl for 3 years and half now. She's turned 18 a few months ago. I don't know what my real issue is. I'm in between morbid jealousy and love addiction. I'm always occupied with the thought that she might be cheating on me because she might have found a better person who is not a jealous monster. Also, with the thought that "I have morbid jealousy but maybe this time, this very time, she might be actually cheating on me because I have put her to this behavior". This thought comes from evidences from her behavior, the way a friend acts around her, what she tells me and so on. I really want to finally trust her and end all my sufferings and prove that she's either trustworthy, or not. Urgently. I wanna know if this is really morbid jealousy or not. I wanna know if there is a decision making to be done here, or a way of thinking that would heal everything. This issue has been taking up all my energy, time, potential, emotions and peace of mind. This seems to be my "biggest problem and most torturous emotions. Kindly Please, Help. Thank you so much for your concern. God bless us all.

  • ROSIE

    HELLO I RED UR STORY BOUT UR DAUGHTER IN LAW.IAM THE SAME WAY AN I NEED TO GET OUT OF THIS CUZ I DONT WANA KEEP MY KIDS AN HUSBAND MISRABLE,IM LOSING THEM,

  • Tamee

    I am so thankful SFT for your comments. I have extreme insane jealousy issues that in my "sane" state (as you also stated) are totally irrational, yet when in my jealousy state are so overwhelmingly true. I have wanted so much to stop it and yet it seems to be all consuming when it occurs. It has caused me extreme pain, as it has my boyfriend as well. I have read many comments about the problem, but it seems hard to find many that offer a solution. For those suffering as I have, I hope they read your comments. I do think the best solution is just as you advised. I too feel like this is a seperate entity, a demon that has this stronghold on me. I hate it. I hate what it makes me feel. I hate that I hurt the one I love. I also believe that this is a battle of the mind. I intend to practice the method you put forth. I have bi polar which only accelerates the issue of jealousy, but I do not intend on letting it rule my life and destroy my relationship with someone who never proves that I should trust the evil lies I hold to. I love God and I feel like your input is a blessing. Thank you so very much.

  • monica

    Sorry if my english is not perfect, I am Italian. I just wanted you to know that I am reading all of your comments, as a mantra, every single night since I finally took the decision of split up with my loved boyfriend affected by morbid jealousy. I tried so many times to leave him, exactly I left him when he slapped me on my face because I denied that I slept with the guy on a picture with me (I didn't sleep with the guy!!), I left him when he broke my rib because my ex boyfriend called me the day of my birthday to greeting me, I left him when he made me cry in the restaurant, yelling at me that I was a whore because I am the responsible of men looking at me, I am the one to provoke them acting like a prostitute, finally, I left him for good when, while I was reading a book, he accused me in front of many people, of having looked at a man sitting far away from me. After denying, he pushed me and spitted on my face, while everybody was logically staring! I loved him very much, I thought he was the one and he was, but only for that 5% in which he was rational, usually when he was trying to convince me to go back to him! Now I am out of this insane relationship, it hurts, but not more then a broken rib or the destroyed dignity! All the best to those who know what I've been through! Ciao.

  • Anonymous-6

    Hi I was just reading the blog because I am in a process of breaking uo with the man that I love so much I am in denial that we are breaking up, because only thought about it makes me start histery.He has accused me in lots of nasty things that are obviously not true, since im here.

    Last think is that he is so cold so indifferent to me,and he told me every time something happened, or he though happened, he would love me less and less...

    I just have a question does anybody know if this delussional jealosy is gonna continue on the next partner?

  • aug

    I am 35 i got married at 16 all was fine for about two years then all of the sudden i turned into a jealous loon. I dont recall being cheated on ir anything that could of triggered this in fact i cheated on my husband i am now with another man have been for seven years. Im so bad we dont watch tv with females i drill him about seeing any girl on tv real life or just at the check outstands at the store i cannot control it i dont know how i have told atleast two thereypast about it and i guess they think its not a big deal i hate being this way is there any medication thats helps? Also i have bad headaches and had a abnormal mri cant go back to neuro till 2015. Could something be sewn on mri that might cause this please anyone that can help please let me know what to do

  • Jenny

    i have been married 9 years and about 5 years ago my husband started being very irrationally jealous. Then it became serious when he started using meth. He stopped using Meth but the constant accusations and demeaning behavior never stopped. I was pregnant with our second son and I was still being accused if having sex with lots of people, sometimes at the same time. He would be the most kind and loving husband and something would trigger this monster to suddenly apear. Finally, we seperated 9 months ago. The worst part is right after we seperated I was with another man and he found out the worst way imaginable. After that my husband became more like he was when we first got married and he tried to win me back. I never stopped licing him. I had just had enough of the abuse he had been dishing out and the false accusations were too much to handle. Once i was back with him (still living seperate) he became the most delusional jelous man. He will accuse me of sleeping with any man that looks at me or at him even. He goes from loving to demeaning name calling at the drop of a dime. I think he is a narcissist sometimes and I know he us delusional. It is getting worse everytime I see him. I'm so in love with him but this past weekend I realized that he believes his delusions and I am never going to convince him he is delusional. He has started drinking so bad that most of the time he is drunk out of his mind, even when he is supposed to be watching the kids for me. i recently resize he has started showing this jealous monster towards our almost 8 yr old son. Treating him like he is threatened and like my son has done something wrong. He has said the most horrible things about me and my body. He has told all his family and mine that I am on heroine And I've never even seen it b4. All I do is take care of my 3 kids and work and try to fix my relationship by reading up on mental illness and trying to prove my innocence to my husband. The last time he was having a delusion about yet another one of my neighbors was the worst. He kept threatening this guy all bc the guy had his kid on his shoulders and looked our way. He was saying the most violent things. I saw it. This man is not

  • cathy

    hi,I love him so much ,I left for good this time. Twice I've left him but went back :( it's hell and soo painful . When all is good ,it's very good ,,,he makes me laugh and treats me like a queen ,,, but when he gets in to his moods ,it's hell on earth ,,,I've nearly took my life because of him and his abuse , he's my soulmate who I truly love and have never loved another like this ,right from day one I felt something soo amazing ,almost 2 years we were together ,,, I've lost friends and family ,they are all fed up of hearing my yo yo relationship . I'm so sad and depressed , his moods are delusional . He's accused me virtually of every place we've been together , everything we've done ! There is no hope , I've even been to counselling and it has got better for 5 mins but now there's something every week . If he didn't have this morbid jealousy then I'd be happy to marry him as we do truly connect , but sadly now I'm scared to talk about certain subjects as he stores things then accuses also im scared to even go to shops with him ,, he says he wants a normal life ,, it's far from normal. I walk on egg shells I just know when he gets moody which is often that he's thinking that I'm cheating ( im very loyal and wouldn't) but sometimes I have wondered if he has actually cheated as he's threw a few things at me ,like if youre gonna flirt etc then I will!! I promise I don't ,, he bocks me and ignores me for days . Why I love him ? I just do and have lived in hope that it'll go away ,,,sadly it doesn't ,,,he gets on with life whilst Im left to pick up the pieces . It's totally heartbreaking and I'm soo sad :(((( it's alonost like Tourette's , scitzo delusional and it's heartbreaking :((( help !! How will I survive ?

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