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My Dad The Dictator

Question:

My mother has had a lot of trouble with my dad. He acts like a dictator and he does not ask my mother’s opinion on anything. This had led to a lot of fights between the two of them. The real problem, however, is the fact that he always gets headaches whenever he is upset and something does not go his way. He had a physical check, but nothing came up. He threatened to kill himself once when he was angry. His father also had the same problem; whenever something did not go his way, he would bang his head on the wall until his sons accepted his wishes. If it is a disease, what is it called and what can we do about it?

This Disclaimer applies to the Answer Below
  • ‘Anne’ is the pseudonym for the individual who writes this relationship advice column.
  • ‘Anne’ bases her responses on her personal experiences and not on professional training or study. She does not represent herself to be a psychologist, therapist, counselor or professional helper of any sort. Her responses are offered from the perspective of a friend or mentor only.
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Answer:

It sounds to me that your father has a lot of anger built up inside him. He has learned how to react to anger from his father. I suggest that he seek some help and a way to vent the anger. He’s taking his anger out on you and your mother. How long has he been like this? If it has been going on for a long time, then my only advice to you is get him some help. Let him know that he must learn how to control his anger. His reactions could have negative implications on him, both mentally and physically. Perhaps if you gradually suggest to him the idea of anger management, he will be more responsive. Here are some Web sites that the both of you may be interested in: It’s Not Personal Controlling the Volcano Within Sincerely, – Anne

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