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Holding Throat

Question:

Hi, I’m wondering if holding a partner’s throat while having sex could be a sign of need for dominance or control . My partner would wrap his hand around my neck if I was on top, and since he didn’t squeeze or do something to alarm me, I tolerated it. I do wonder, however, if this is a sign of control issues. On the other hand, it seems there are all sorts of "tips" about what women like or not like in bed, including slapping, biting, etc… and I wonder if holding someone’s throat is part of that repertoire of "things to do". Thanks! 

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Answer:

I am making an educated guess that you are asking this question because you are not comfortable with your partner holding your neck. In fact, you write that "since he did not squeeze or do anything to alarm you, you tolerated it." "Tolerating" a sexual practice is very far from liking or enjoying it. Frankly, that should be your guide and not what you read in books.

Different people and intimate couples engage in wide varieties of sexual behaviors that other couples find objectionable. All that really matters with regard to this is what feels right to the individual and, then, to the couple. I cannot blame you for not enjoying having your neck held but that is just my opinion. I don’t even like to wear turtle neck shirts or shirts with ties. Again, this is a matter of individual preference and trust between you and your partner.

I am not able to comment on the motives that drive your partner because I do not know him and have no way of making such a judgment. Even then, it does not matter if you are not comfortable. Yes, some people, male or female, enjoy being slapped, or bitten, or tied, etc, or all of these. There is nothing wrong if that is what "turns them on," no one’s life is threatened, no one is truly harmed and the practices are enjoyed by both people because they are having fun.

There is nothing wrong for refusing to do what upsets you or makes you uncomfortable in any way at all. Set the limits that are important to you.

I hope this helps.

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