Hey, I’m 18 years old and just want to end my life, I’m just bad luck. I’ve seen 2 of my mates die in front of me and 2 mates get blown up in Afghanistan. Then all I had left was my girlfreind we been together for 4 years and now she has left me. I really just want to die and I am so close to doing it.
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My assumption is that you are a young veteran from the war in Afghanistan and you witnessed the deaths of people close to you. That is an unimaginable tragedy and I am sure that all of us who read you read this will be fully empathize with you. My deep hope and both my appeal and prayer is that you will not attempt suicide but go and get the help you deserve. Let me explain.
You are suffering from Post Traumatic Stress Disorder. Feelings of deep depression, guilt, sleeplessness, agitation, anger, fear, anxiety, panic, flash backs are all part of it. It’s important to add survivor guilt to the list. It is not unusual to question “why I was spared when my buddies went down?” My guess is that your girlfriend broke up with you because, in your state of PTSD, she did not understand you and found it difficult for her to cope.
There is help for this. Your phrasing makes me suspect that you are from the UK. Whether from there or the U.S. the army now recognizes PTSD as a real illness that does lead to suicide and now provides help.
However, if you are not in the army and your PTSD has other sources, you can and should report to the emergency room of your local hospital and tell them, directly, that you are feeling very suicidal. Believe me, they will give you all the help and support that’s available.
Modern psychiatry and psychology have many new ways to help those suffering from PTSD. You are a young person and have a real future ahead of you. I have friends who survived the World Trade Center tragedy, suffered PTSD and were given lots of help. These were firemen and police who went into the buildings and also saw their friends die as well as others. They are able to live, work, be married and have stable lives despite the occasional flashbacks.
At age 18 you must know that there are lots of attractive women who are available, as well as the right one with whom you will fall in love and build a family in the future.
Please, go and get the help you need. Do so immediately. Do not wait another second.