Will Joel Friedman, Ph.D. is a seasoned clinician with experience working with adults, couples, families, adolescents and older children since 1976. His aim ...Read More
Have you ever wondered what possible control you have in this world? It is invaluable to recognize what you can and cannot directly control, change or affect. To effectively score on offense or defend on defense in the game of life, it does take knowing the boundary lines, thus “the playing field” of the game. To be off the playing field means that you simply don’t contribute to the game, but remain on the sidelines of life. To stay on the playing field means you have the opportunity to contribute to the game of life. The former is called existing, the latter living. To what extent you exercise your option of taking the control you have is wholly up to you, it’s your apparent choice!
Here IS what is on the playing field that is possible to directly change, control or effect:
Essentially all (99.9%) of what you SAY—your WORDS, with rare exceptions of neurological and speech challenges, epileptic seizures as well as extreme states of panic, fear and rage;
Essentially all (99.9%) of what you DO—your ACTIONS and BEHAVIORS, once again with the uncommon exceptions of violent crimes and the above; and
Everything (100%) concerning your ATTENTION, PERCEPTION, ATTITUDES AND INTENTIONS toward anything (conditioning can lower this, and some claim that given our uncontrollable neurology, we have no control of where we place our attention and our perceptions)
Essentially nothing (0%) of what you THINK and FEEL. The ego-mind has the illusion that you have a high degree of direct control over what you THINK and FEEL. Mental activity in the form of thoughts, ideas or inspirations and feelings simply come and go. We have essentially 100% direct control over what attention, energy and power we give these thoughts and feelings.
Here is what IS NOT on the playing field and not possible to directly change, control or effect:
All of what you THINK (100%), given that thoughts, ideas and inspirations come and go as they please. Our mind often wanders and can obsess over worries, fears or unconstructive ideas.
All of what you FEEL (100%), since no one can directly control their feelings. You can influence your feelings and other people’s feelings by what you say, how you act and your attitudes. While you can certainly repress, suppress, resist, doubt and deny how you or another feels, this doesn’t change the fact that there’s no direct control of anyone’s feelings. You can accept, listen and fully feel feelings through your body, receiving the messages and completely processing them to their release.
All of what OTHER PEOPLE SAY, DO, THINK, FEEL AND THEIR ATTENTION, PERCEPTION, ATTITUDES AND INTENTIONS, with the exception of crimes, kidnapping, run-ins and so on. Again, you can have influence, just no direct control. Given no control of our neurology, some include all of where we place our attention and our perceptions.
All (100%) of PRESENCE and BEING for you and everyone, although one can invite, court and welcome creating a space for Presence and Being to come forward.
Recognize there are only two ways to wander off this playing field:
- Expecting you do have control, when in fact you don’t; or
- Expecting you don’t have control, when in fact you do.
In either case you can immediately bring yourself back onto the playing field.
What possible control over you do you have? It is invaluable to recognize what control you have over yourself. To what extent you exercise your option of taking control of yourself and not letting anyone have control “over you?” It is wholly up to you.
Anything, anyone and any situation you can face, greet, meet and welcome has no control over you. Anything, anyone and any situation you are unable to face, greet, meet and welcome has control over you. Wherever, whoever and whatever you cannot be with “what is” has no control over you. Wherever, whoever and whatever you cannot be with “what is” has control over you. A tactic revealed is a tactic defused.