Sally Connolly, LCSW, LMFT has been a therapist for over 30 years, specializing in work with couples, families and relationships. She has expertise with clients ...Read More
Are you one of those people who is alone on what is purported to be the most romantic day of the year?
Is there any day that reminds singles more of how they are NOT part of a couple?
You cannot go to the store…the GROCERY store…without being bombarded with cards, flowers and hearts.
How nice to see those many reminders to keep bringing up the fact that “Lover’s Day” is just around the corner. It is hard for those not in a relationship. Even worse for those recently out of a relationship, especially if the end was not their choice.
Who doesn’t want to be in love? Just about everyone wants to have that special person to hold hands with through their lives.
What can you do to survive, maybe even thrive, through these days that stretch long before and even after February 14 as friends and co-workers share their own valentine day stories.
Here are a few suggestions:
Shake hands with the fact that you are alone. If this is a new experience for you, maybe some grieving is in order. Then find a way to let go and recognize that your life is not over and, while you may not be a romantic relationship, there are most likely quite a few people who do love you. Spend a little time acknowledging your “singleness” and then find ways to concentrate on the positives in your other relationships.
Love yourself. When sad or negative thoughts and feelings enter your head or heart, acknowledge them and then replace them with loving and positive thoughts and feelings about yourself and your life. This may be a good time to begin a gratitude journal.
Treat yourself. You deserve it. Be a good valentine to yourself and think about what you would most like. Presents might be good. Consider about making the day special as well. Have a nice dinner or evening that involves only what makes you feel good. (A bubble bath, special non-romantic movie, a favorite book with music.)
Invite other single friends to join you in a “celebrating being single” on Valentine’s Day party.
Do something that you have never done before, either on your own or invite a friend to do it with you. It is a great confidence builder as you experience new things. Also, different experiences make for a more interesting person.
Do something for someone else. Take a young family member out to dinner and a movie, bake something for your neighbors, send flowers to a nursing home. Get out of your head with thoughts of how unhappy you are and think about others.
Romantic relationships do not define a person. We each define ourselves. Being single does not make anyone less of a person. There are so many other parts of each of us that define who we are.
Remember your accomplishments, people who have loved and still love you, significant events during your life. Enjoy this time for the good that is here. Focus on the present. The future is to come.