Question:
I am in a relationship that I know is false on my side. I don’t love my boyfriend, but I’m pretty sure he loves me. It started about a year ago when he got drunk and confessed his love to me one night. For six months after that he did all he could to win me over: flowers, gifts, movies, flowers, and more flowers. Well, after about another six months of this, I finally said yes. We’ve been together for about 8 months now, and I finally realized that even though I’ve told him I love him, I know I don’t. I think I just said yes to him to shut him up, to get him off my back…and because it was so much easier to agree than fight him off. The problem now is trying to figure out what to do. I’m at the point where I don’t want to be around him anymore. But how can I tell him that? He’s so emotional…I’d say even more emotional than me. I hate the thought that I’d be hurting him, but what else can I do? I’m close to his family, but I know if I try to break it off he’ll just be enraged and won’t want a friendship even. ?!?!?!
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Answer:
Decisions such as yours are very difficult, it’s true, but what is important is that you change what is making you miserable in your life, and stop prolonging the painful end to a relationship with a man who is under the assumption that you love him. You are not being fair to yourself, nor your boyfriend. I would put yourself in his shoes. Imagine if you found out that your partner wasn’t sincere with you. Of course, you would be hurt deeply, but wouldn’t you want to know so that you weren’t “wasting” any more time or effort on a relationship based on one-sided love? I’m not saying that discussing your true feelings with your boyfriend will be easy, in fact, it may seem easier to simply sustain the relationship. I would explain to him that you feel as if you have grown apart from him. Tell him how much you value his friendship, but at this time, you are not ready for a serious boyfriend/girlfriend relationship with him. Best of luck to you, – Anne
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