Need help breaking free from addiction?
1-888-993-3112
Call 24/7 for treatment options. Who Answers?

I've Never Really Loved Him

Question:

I am in a relationship that I know is false on my side. I don’t love my boyfriend, but I’m pretty sure he loves me. It started about a year ago when he got drunk and confessed his love to me one night. For six months after that he did all he could to win me over: flowers, gifts, movies, flowers, and more flowers. Well, after about another six months of this, I finally said yes. We’ve been together for about 8 months now, and I finally realized that even though I’ve told him I love him, I know I don’t. I think I just said yes to him to shut him up, to get him off my back…and because it was so much easier to agree than fight him off. The problem now is trying to figure out what to do. I’m at the point where I don’t want to be around him anymore. But how can I tell him that? He’s so emotional…I’d say even more emotional than me. I hate the thought that I’d be hurting him, but what else can I do? I’m close to his family, but I know if I try to break it off he’ll just be enraged and won’t want a friendship even. ?!?!?!

This Disclaimer applies to the Answer Below
  • ‘Anne’ is the pseudonym for the individual who writes this relationship advice column.
  • ‘Anne’ bases her responses on her personal experiences and not on professional training or study. She does not represent herself to be a psychologist, therapist, counselor or professional helper of any sort. Her responses are offered from the perspective of a friend or mentor only.
  • Anne intends her responses to provide general information to the readership of this website; answers should not be understood to be specific advice intended for any particular individual(s).
  • Questions submitted to this column are not guaranteed to receive responses.
  • No correspondence takes place.
  • No ongoing relationship of any sort (including but not limited to any form of professional relationship) is implied or offered by ‘Anne’ to people submitting questions.
  • ‘Anne’, Mental Help Net and CenterSite, LLC make no warranties, express or implied, about the information presented in this column. ‘Anne’ and Mental Help Net disclaim any and all merchantability or warranty of fitness for a particular purpose or liability in connection with the use or misuse of this service.
  • Always consult with your psychotherapist, physician, or psychiatrist first before changing any aspect of your treatment regimen. Do not stop your medication or change the dose of your medication without first consulting with your physician.
Answer:

Decisions such as yours are very difficult, it’s true, but what is important is that you change what is making you miserable in your life, and stop prolonging the painful end to a relationship with a man who is under the assumption that you love him. You are not being fair to yourself, nor your boyfriend. I would put yourself in his shoes. Imagine if you found out that your partner wasn’t sincere with you. Of course, you would be hurt deeply, but wouldn’t you want to know so that you weren’t “wasting” any more time or effort on a relationship based on one-sided love? I’m not saying that discussing your true feelings with your boyfriend will be easy, in fact, it may seem easier to simply sustain the relationship. I would explain to him that you feel as if you have grown apart from him. Tell him how much you value his friendship, but at this time, you are not ready for a serious boyfriend/girlfriend relationship with him. Best of luck to you, – Anne

More "Ask Anne" View Columnists

Close

Call the Helpline Toll-FREE

To Get Treatment Options Now.

1-888-993-3112 Who Answers? 100% Confidential

Get Help For You or a Loved One Here...

Click Here for More Info.

Close

Call The Toll-FREE Helpline 24/7 To Get Treatment Options Now.

100% Confidential
Get Treatment Options From Your Phone... Tap to Expand