How to Get the Most from your Couples Therapy

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Getting the Most Out of Couples Therapy

Attending couples therapy can give your relationship the tools to succeed. Here’s how to get the most out of each session. 

Table of Contents 

  • Understanding Couples Therapy 
    • Do You Need Couples Therapy? 
  • Couples Therapy: Key Strategies 
    • Goal-Setting and Vision-Building 
  • Preparing for Therapy 
  • Addressing Relationship Challenges 
    • Ending the Cycle 
    • Breaking Individual Barriers 
    • Rebuilding Trust After Betrayal 
  • Enhancing Relationship Dynamics 
    • Maintaining Intimacy and Sexual Health 
    • Digital Influence and External Stressors 
    • Financial Harmony and Parenting 
  • Personal Growth and Relationship Health 
    • Self-Care and Boundaries 
    • Mindfulness and Individuality 
    • Cultural Differences and Shared Values 
  • Long-Term Relationship Success 
    • Building Long-Distance Trust 
    • The Art of Apology 
    • Leveraging Support Systems 
  • Committing to Couples Therapy 

Key Takeaways 

  • Couples therapy can help you locate the root of your relationship struggles and develop strategies to address them. 
  • Make sure you and your partner enter therapy open-mindedly with minimal expectations, eager to improve the relationship. 
  • Effective couples therapy can enhance your relationship while also encouraging individual growth. 

Couples therapy can be invaluable for partners looking to overcome a rough patch. Knowing what to expect can help you make the most of the experience. Here are some couples therapy tips that might help. 


Understanding Couples Therapy 

Couples therapy is a type of psychotherapy that works to uncover relationship problems at their source and develop solutions to resolve them. Having a professional in the room to mediate can help couples address issues calmly and respectfully. 

Do You Need Couples Therapy? 

According to family therapist Ondina Nandine Hatvany, it’s never too early for couples therapy [1]. “Don’t wait until the relationship is dying and then ask your therapist to save it,” she says. If your relationship is characterized by frequent conflicts, intimacy struggles, or miscommunication, therapy might be able to help. 

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Couples Therapy: Key Strategies 

Couples therapists employ a variety of techniques to help you and your partner reconnect. Common strategies include: 

  • Identifying feelings 
  • Addressing unresolved conflicts 
  • Correcting negative patterns 
  • Developing conflict resolution skills 
  • Collaborating to create solutions 
  • Finding effective communication strategies 

Setting Goals and Building a Shared Vision 

“The truth is that the best outcomes are reached in couples counseling when you have more goals for yourself than for your partner,” Hatvany says. When one partner is willing to change, the other is more likely to do the same. With good communication, you can blend your individual goals into a shared vision for your lives. 

Preparing for Therapy 

Before entering therapy, make sure you and your partner are both eager to discuss the relationship honestly and intend to improve it. Consider reflecting on your behavior to identify how you contribute to the relationship, either positively or negatively. 

Managing your expectations is just as important. According to Hatvany, “The hardest part of couples therapy comes when they realize that they cannot make their partners change.” Try to enter couples therapy with an open mind. You both must be willing to work together and find solutions as a team. 

Addressing Relationship Challenges 

Knowing which issues you want to cover can make your therapy sessions more productive. Here are some challenges couples commonly address. 

Ending the Cycle 

When a couple addresses conflict by blaming each other, it can produce a vicious cycle of defensive and retaliatory behavior. A couples therapist can help you break this system, often in the form of “I” statements or mirroring exercises. 

Breaking Individual Barriers 

When you’re prompted to evaluate your feelings and behaviors, it can be easier to identify patterns you’d like to improve on. Guided by therapy, you may recognize some personal blocks that have prevented you from being the kind of partner you want to be. 

Rebuilding Trust After Betrayal 

Healing from past pain can be more effective within a safe space. Validation exercises and prediction method techniques can help you reduce negative assumptions and understand your partner to build deeper trust. 

Enhancing Relationship Dynamics 

For partners in couples therapy, tips for enhancing specific aspects of your relationship are a significant benefit. Here are some potential areas of improvement. 

Maintaining Intimacy and Sexual Health 

Counseling can help you rediscover intimacy in your relationship. This can mean putting past conflicts to rest or employing reminiscing exercises to evoke buried passions. Some therapists may give you “homework” to complete in the privacy of your home and then reflect upon it. 

Digital Influence and External Stressors 

External stressors—like job changes, extended family or excessive technology use—can strain a relationship. Couples therapy can provide you with ways to stay connected in situations you can’t change and actionable solutions in situations you can. 

Financial Harmony and Parenting 

Financial dilemmas and new additions to the family can change your relationship’s dynamics. Professional guidance may make adapting to these changes easier, helping you find harmony as you exchange old habits for new ones. 

Personal Growth and Relationship Health 

A healthy partnership starts by building a positive relationship with yourself. Counseling can help you reflect on yourself as an individual, not just as one-half of a couple. With positive personal growth, your self-awareness is more likely to improve, making you a better partner. 

Self-Care and Boundaries 

“Becoming a more effective partner is the best way to improve a relationship,” says Hatvany. Caring for yourself can reduce stress, increase energy, and make you physically healthier—all of which can make it easier to show up for your partner [2]. Setting boundaries is one way of practicing self-care, and counseling can teach you how to do it. 

Mindfulness and Individuality 

Being mindful of each other’s individuality may help you better understand your partner’s behavior. Accepting that you can’t change your partner is useful in reducing friction and avoiding the cycle of shaming and blaming. 

Embracing Cultural Differences and Shared Values 

For cross-cultural couples, counseling offers a way to embrace cultural differences. This often means identifying the role culture plays in each other’s emotions and communication styles. Establishing shared values and goals may help bridge this gap to further strengthen the relationship. 

Long-Term Success in Relationships 

Long-term couples may grow weary of maintaining their relationship. The following couples therapy tips are just some of the ways counseling can ease the strain. 

Building Long-Distance Trust 

Long-distance relationships face unique challenges, including time constraints and lack of physical intimacy. Without intervention, these can reduce trust between partners. A professional with experience assisting long-distance couples may be able to facilitate trust-building exercises and improve your sense of security within the relationship. 

The Art of Apology and Forgiveness 

It’s a myth that to forgive means to let an issue go. Rather, it symbolizes a couple’s commitment to overcoming challenges together. Counselors can guide a couple through the process of apologizing and forgiving, laying the foundation for further healing. 

Leveraging Support Systems 

Counselors can often provide couples with methods of finding external support. With multiple support channels, you and your partner may not feel as pressured to provide each other with emotional reassurance. This can promote individuality, reducing the relationship’s mental burden. 

Committing to Couples Therapy 

Couples therapy works best when each partner is fully dedicated and committed to the relationship’s success. While counseling may require emotional exertion and deep personal reflection, open and honest participation can have incredible results. Take the first step today, and you might find lasting improvement. 

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