Question:
I’m 26 almost 27 years of age, a single mother of a 5 year old boy and I’ve been struggling through my life.
I was in an abusive relationship with a drug addict when I got pregnant and I left him and have been raising my son on my own with my parents help. The only problem is my parents are controlling of me and always have been. If I discipline my son they will make comments under their breath like, “God you’re such a bitch” or get mad at me. Apparently I’ve even been referred to as Hitler but I’m trying to be more strict lately because my son had zero discipline in his life before and it’s starting to really show.
AdThere’s no way a 5 year old should be demanding things of adults and throwing fits when he doesn’t get his way. But when I do put him for a time out, someone will go to him and say “Come here buddy, talk to me” instead of letting him finish out the time out. What’s worse is in my relationship, I found a really great guy who’s been helping me become a better person all around. I love him with all my heart and now I’m afraid I’m going to lose him.
My parents have been badgering me about how late we hang out. He comes here always so that I’m not away from my son and I can still be mom. But my parents constantly over our shoulders, and finding faults with everything he does is starting to wear on him and he’s at his limit with it now. I can see that I’m losing him, if I could move out I would in a heartbeat.
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AdI’m finding myself resenting my family, I’m getting incredibly depressed to the point where I vomit because I’m so upset. I can’t function and I’m trying to pull out every possible solution to keep my relationship going and improving my home life. I’ve failed at every relationship before this one because I gave up too easily, I found faults with the guys instead of looking at myself.
I’m afraid if I lose my boyfriend now that this is it for me. I’ll not find this again and I will give up.
I just need some direction, I need some help.
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Answer:
You and your parents need to sit down and make some rules with regard to disciplining your son and with regard to when your boyfriend visits. They must keep their opinions themselves about both your boyfriend and disciplining your son. In no way should they take your son out of timeout against your rules. You so nor want him to turn into a tyrant and I’m sure they don’t want that either.
In you and your parents talking together it’s important that no one shouts, blame and accuses. You must keep your cool. At the same time, you must be cool if they accuse you. Be strong.
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I urge you to find a good therapist to help you with your depression and stress. There are plenty of not for profit mental health clinics around that have low fees.
Talk to your boyfriend and ask him to be patient with you and your family. I suggest you go out away from your home so your parents do not interfere. You can ask them to babysit.
Finally, if there is any way you could move out with your son it would be best. Perhaps it’s something you and your boyfriend could discuss or, if not, you and a girlfriend who might want to share an apartment with and your son.
Best of luck
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