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Arranged Marriage

Question:

Hi,

I am 26 years old female. I have completed my 18 years of education and have been a topper in my university. Following are my personality traits:

1. Aggressive 2. Short-tempered 3. Impatient 4. Honest and Truthful 5. Fat and ordinary looks.

I never ever have been proposed to by any boy in my life. My parents have got a huge list of relatives and friends but none of them ever asked for their daughter’s hand. I had 3 relationships before but those boys were after my body and they flirted, ditched and left me. I am single for the last 4 years. I left getting into any relationships after my last break-up 4 years ago. My sisters got married at the age of 26 but I could not even get engaged at the age of 26. My parents are worried.

A month ago, someone from my parents acquaintances approached my parents and told their son’s named is ‘Y.’ He is 30 years old and they are looking for a girl who is educated. They asked for my picture first. My parents sent my picture via email. They called back and said that their entire family liked the picture. They live in the another city which is very far from here. They sent their son, named, “Y,” to visit us first. He was a very intelligent guy and was 28 years old.

My parents asked me to meet him in my parent’s presence. I met him and we talked about career, education and other activities. Their family then visited us after a week. “Y’s” mom and sister visited two weeks after Y’s visit. I felt both the ladies were quiet and conservative.

Because I am fat the first thing they asked me was about my weight. The sister asked me if I was fat since childhood or did I gain the weight recently? She asked about cooking and stuff. They had brought gifts as well. My parents asked them if they liked me, both ladies said they liked the picture already and liked me after meeting me as well. They further said that they will do the engagement in October. My parents asked them the Skype the ID of “Y” so they can have a chat with him. His sister provided the mobile number.

After two days of their departure, my younger brother sent a text to “Y”on his cell number that my parents want to talk to him so can he give the SKYPE ID. Its been 10 days now but he did not reply. Initially, when my parents did not get the reply, they called his mom and told them that “Y” must not have received the text message. His mom said that he did receive the message since he did tell us this but did not reply because he was tired so he will talk next Sunday. Now next Sunday has also passed but he did not reply, no message came from him.

Can you please tell me if I should wait more for this proposal or should move on?

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Answer:

There are traditional cultures around the world that continue to use arranged marriages for their children even in this modern world. However, there are more problems today with this type of marriage than ever existed before. Given the fact that this is the information age and that worldwide communications are instant, it is more difficult than ever for traditional ways of life to remain in place regardless of what families may want. From the sound of it, both your family and his want to arrange this marriage. Does “Y” want the same thing?

Perhaps he does and perhaps he is going against his parents and he does not. Regardless, it must have been awful for you to be questioned by his parents about your weight. After all, you are a human being and not a commodity on the market.

What do you want? Do you want to be married to this man? It might feel tempting for you because, that way, you would have a husband and could have children and a family. Arranged marriages can work for many people but it is not a type of life that we, in the Western World, value because we believe in the right of each person to make their own decisions even if those decisions do not meet with family approval.

In the end, only you can decide if you can waith for this proprosal.

Best of Luck

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