Question:
My husband and I have been together for 11 years and have been married 3. I just found out that he has been commnunicating with an ex-girlfriend. Before we got married she has always been an issue. She is going around telling everyone that they are getting back together. He admits to communicating with her but says that what she is saying is a lie and that he has never told her anything like that. Now, all of sudden, he sees that I want to separate wants to go to counseling. It is so easy to walk away. But others are saying stay and work it out. I am just so tired and I really don’t have the energy anymore because, like I said, this is not the first time that she has been an issue.
What should I do?
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Answer:
Generally speaking, people do not find it easy to walk away from a marriage. You may be frustrated with your husband’s behavior and that is understandable, but marriage takes a lot of work. If he is willing to go to counseling to save the marriage then I recommend it. There is plenty of time to consider separation and divorce if this issue cannot be resolved.
Ultimately, your husband will need to understand that, now that you are married, you are a separate family. As such, a boundary must be set in between you as a couple and the rest of the world. That is why there should be no room for old girlfriends or boyfriends. Boundary lines build trust between two people and neither of you should violate that.
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Perhaps your husband does not know this or has some other reasons for bringing this woman back into the relationship. This is something that can be sorted out in marriage therapy.
I urge you to give therapy a chance to work.
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Good Luck
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