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My 19 Year Old Son

Question:

I have a 19 year old son that I will not let move back in with me because he is very mouthy to the point of cursing at my husband and myself. He has also quit the 4 jobs in the past two years within months of getting these jobs.

All he seems to want to do is get high on majuana or get drunk. His grandmother had taken him this past Monday and the very next day he was supposed to job hunt. Instead, he got drunk and stole some of her change. She told him he had to leave and, honestly, I do not blame her. I also had warned her about my son before she had taken him in. He left my house on his own because he did not want to follow the rules that were:  1. Get a job 2. Save money to get out on his own since he had dropped out of high school.

My question is,  am I doing the right thing by not letting him back into my home until he can prove that he is going to be resposible? He is now on the streets and it is getting cold.

Thank you for your advice.

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Answer:

In light of your son’s outrageous behavior towards you, your husband and his grandmother, I believe you are doing the right thing. The reason I hold this opinion is that, to allow him to return home is to encourage him to continue to behave in these very destructive ways.

I would add one more item in reinforcing his not returning home. That is that he must go into drug and alcohol counseling. My guess is that he yells at everyone when he is using drugs. In fact, its my opinion that he not be allowed back until he is in drug treatment and proves he will stay with it. Also, he must get and keep a job.

Anyone living in your home must obey house rules, whether they like it or not. Those rules are not to drink or use drugs, treat everyone respectully, and hold a job. Additionally, at his age he should have been paying rent to stay in your home.

One more thing: I suspect, but I have no way of knowing, that he could be using other drugs, more serious than marijuana.

Its cold outside? Remember, its his choice to stay in the cold. He wants to come out of the cold? Well, then, he must get drug treatment, get and hold a job and prove he is ready to be a good citizen.

Good luck

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