I am in intense depression..I met this guy two years before. He s a divorcee but now he finds fault with me in each and everything I do and he is now telling me his old wife is better than me. I am very upset and we have been living together for the past 1 year. I couldn’t control my sadness as I was with him in every sad moments of his life and now he doesn’t want me.
- Dr. Schwartz responds to questions about psychotherapy and mental health problems, from the perspective of his training in clinical psychology.
- Dr. Schwartz intends his responses to provide general educational information to the readership of this website; answers should not be understood to be specific advice intended for any particular individual(s).
- Questions submitted to this column are not guaranteed to receive responses.
- No correspondence takes place.
- No ongoing relationship of any sort (including but not limited to any form of professional relationship) is implied or offered by Dr. Schwartz to people submitting questions.
- Dr. Schwartz, Mental Help Net and CenterSite, LLC make no warranties, express or implied, about the information presented in this column. Dr. Schwartz and Mental Help Net disclaim any and all merchantability or warranty of fitness for a particular purpose or liability in connection with the use or misuse of this service.
- Always consult with your psychotherapist, physician, or psychiatrist first before changing any aspect of your treatment regimen. Do not stop your medication or change the dose of your medication without first consulting with your physician.
It is not surprising that you are upset after having to listen to the cruel and nasty things this boyfriend is saying to you. It might help you to realize that there must be a reason why he is divorced. Of course, there is no waying of knowing why he is divorced except that behavior is consistent and, therefore, a good likelihood that he may have mistreated his ex wife just as he does you.
You are describing yourself as feeling depressed as a result of this relationship. There is a theory that depression is anger turned against one’s self. In other words, you may be directing your anger at yourself rather than at this boyfriend. What you need to do to stop this from happening is to understand that you do not deserve his bad treatment of you. After all, all relationships are difficult and all of us say and do things that annoy our loved ones. In an honest and respectful relationship, all of us learn to be tolerant of one another’s foibles and forgive most of this stuff because it’s unimportant. To say it more simply, do not allow this man to upset you. He has no right.
Basically, he is emotionally and verbally abusing you. Now it’s time to think about not wanting him rather than his not wanting you. Why would you want an abusive and unkind man? Common sense should tell you that he does not deserve you and that you should end this relationship. Another way of saying this is to take control of the situation by putting limits on what behavior you will tolerate.
He is an abusive man. End the relationship which, in my opinion, is the best thing for you to do.
Therapists are Standing By to Treat Your Depression, Anxiety or Other Mental Health Needs
If he is the one who ditched you then count yourself lucky. Just think of it: you are free of this misery. Enjoy your freedom and look for someone who you can love, who can love you and with whom you can enjoy a mutually respectful life.
If you need help with this then find a good therapist who can help you get through this and feel a lot better.
Do not allow him to damage your emotional and physical health. Help is available.
Best of Luck
Designed to Help You Feel Better Daily
Download Now For Free